


Near to you

by Kissesdragons



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, POV Michael Guerin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25416565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissesdragons/pseuds/Kissesdragons
Summary: Michael's POV.  Alex sings a song for Forrest on open mic night and Michael has feelings.
Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 7
Kudos: 63





	Near to you

**Author's Note:**

> Warning that this has a Forlex ending, but the opening is there for eventual Malex. The song is Near to You by a Fine Frenzy. You might recognize the lead singer, Alison Sudol, as Queenie from the Fantastic Beasts movies. I love her and I'm a huge fan of the whole album, but this particular song is possibly the most Forlex song in existence. I promise I will get back to Before you go eventually, but my anger over S2 kinda drained my motivation.

Michael and Isobel are sitting at a booth in the back of the Pony when he hears the sounds of equipment being dragged around. He rolls his eyes and tosses back a shot knowing that the next thing he hears will be Forrest’s voice introducing the first performer for open mic night.

Michael has become way too fucking familiar with the sound of Forrest’s voice, to the point where it grates on his nerves the second Forrest starts talking. It’s been 6 months since Alex started dating him, and honestly Michael expected it to be over by now. He figured three months would be enough time for Alex to have some fun, sow some oats, and be ready to give Michael a chance to get the two of them right this time. Instead, Michael has been seeing less and less of Alex every week, and on the rare occasions he has seen him lately, it’s either been for an alien emergency, or it's been seeing fucking Forrest wrapped around him while they’re out in town on yet another date.

He’s getting ready to suggest to Isobel that they clear out before the performances start when she tilts her head toward his right shoulder. Michael glances over and catches his breath when he sees Alex waiting at the side of the stage with his keyboard. Alex looks _edible_ in skin tight black jeans and a blue silk shirt, his hair messy chic and his jaw dark with stubble.

“Good evening Wild Pony!” Forrest’s voice says over the speakers, and Michael can’t control his reflexive eye roll. “Our first performer tonight is my boyfriend - Captain Alex Manes.”

Michael glances over at the hoots and hollers from a booth across the room and sees Greg and Flint sitting there with a group of men who can only be Alex’s military buddies. Alex raises a hand to them in salute as he sets up on the stage and the table of his friends let out another hoot when Forrest presses a quick kiss to Alex’s lips before he heads off stage.

“Hope you’re all having a great evening,” Alex starts as he adjusts his keyboard, chair and microphone. “Tonight I’ll be singing a song by the talented Alison Sudol called Near to You. Forrest – this one’s for you,” Alex finishes with a gentle smile that makes Michael’s stomach turn. Alex’s voice is as gorgeous as always, but as soon as Michael starts to process the lyrics of this particular song his eyes start to burn as he tries to fight back the tears.

_He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional it couldn't last  
Loved him so, but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back  
Such pain as this shouldn't have to be experienced  
I'm still reeling from the loss, still a little bit delirious  
Yeah_

Michael shakes his head rapidly, willing Alex to just look at him so he’ll know that is not true. Michael has never stopped loving Alex. Not once in nearly 12 years. Alex has always been in his heart. Michael has been waiting six months now for the chance to tell Alex he loves him. Alex isn’t supposed to be giving up on Michael. They’re supposed to be together for the rest of their lives. They’re cosmic, damnit. Isobel reaches out to touch his hand and he jerks away from her, still shaking his head.

_Near to you, I am healing but it’s taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on  
Yeah, I'm better near to you_

_Well you and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously  
I'm battle scarred, I am workin' oh-so hard to get  
Back to who I used to be_

Michael glances over at Forrest and sees the proud, gentle smile on his face and it’s like déjà vu. That night half a year ago plays back through Michael’s mind when Alex was up there singing a song about him and like a fucking moron Michael had walked away, assuming he’d get another chance soon enough. The thing is, Michael has been watching Alex find himself, gathering back together the pieces of that sweet, gentle boy he fell in love with in high school for the last several months. Stupidly, Michael had assumed that meant Alex was getting closer to being ready for a relationship with him. Seeing the look on both Alex and Forrest’s faces when their eyes lock makes Michael feel physically ill, seeing that he might be too late, that he’s waited too long and blown his chance to be with the love of his life.

_He's disappearing, fading steadily  
Well I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me, please?_

Michael slides his chair back, getting ready to stand up when Isobel’s hand clamps down on his arm, hard. He glances around the bar and sees that everyone is completely captivated by Alex’s song and he turns back to Isobel knowing his desperation must be written on his face, but she just shakes her head and gives him a look that says if he gets up she’ll kill him. “Is-“ he whispers, voice breaking. “I _can’t_ \- “.

“You _will_ ” she hisses, tightening her grip. “You owe him that much.”

Michael can’t stop the tear that slips down his cheek.

_'Cause near to you, I am healing but it is taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on  
Yet I'm better near to you  
Yeah, I'm better near to you_

Michael bites his lip to the point where he tastes blood, then pulls out his flask. He’s been working to cut down on the acetone, but if anything calls for it, it’s having to sit here listening to the love of his goddamn life sing a love song to another man. Michael can’t stop himself from looking back over at Forrest and he winces when he sees the man mouth what can only be “I love you” to the man on stage, and the smile he gets from Alex for it breaks Michael’s heart.

_I only know that I am better where you are  
I only know that I am better where you are  
I only know that I belong where you are_

_Near to you, I am healing but it’s taking so long  
Though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on  
Near to you, I am healing but it is taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone and you are wonderful, it's hard to move on  
Yeah, I'm better near to you  
Yeah, I'm better near to you_

The bar erupts into wild cheers as soon as Alex plays the last chord, and Michael is on his feet heading for the exit in a split second. He reaches the door and turns to curse at Isobel for forcing him to sit through this torture, but she’s not there. When he turns back to look for her he sees her still standing by the booth they were in, hand over her mouth.

The last thing in the world he wants to do is follow her gaze to the stage, but he can’t seem to stop himself. Watching Alex and Forrest locked in an embrace, kissing through their laughter as the bar full of cowboys and military men cheer them on, Michael knows he has only his own stupidity and arrogance to blame for throwing away the chance to be up there on that stage with Alex himself.

Michael storms out of the bar and grabs his phone as he climbs into his truck and hits speed dial 1. The phone rings four times before going to voicemail, and Michael sighs. On the one hand he’s relieved he can put this off a little longer, but at the same time he hates the fact that things with Alex have gotten so bad that he no longer accepts Michael's calls automatically. “Hey Alex,” Michael says, clearing his throat nervously. “Could you please come by the airstream tonight? I don’t care how late it is I just…I really need to talk to you” he says, then hangs up.

Michael sits out by the fire pit for hours before he finally hears Alex’s car pull up nearby. “Hey, what’s up?” Alex asks as he climbs out of the jeep and walks toward Michael.

Michael gestures toward a chair, but when Alex shakes his head in refusal Michael sighs and closes his eyes for a moment. “Ok,” he says, then stands up and takes a step toward Alex. “There’s a lot we need to talk about, but the first thing I need you to know is that I’m in love with you Alex,” he says, feeling a sense of relief now that the words he’s been holding himself back from saying to this man for more than a decade have finally been given voice. 

Alex pales and takes a step back, shaking his head.

“Yes,” Michael says, following him slowly. “I’m in love with you. Have been since high school. You have to know that,” he says, voice holding a plea.

“No,” Alex objects, still shaking his head. “No. I don’t – I don’t believe you. You said – you told me you don’t love me. You – you dated one of my best friends for a year. You said – you – you’re in love with Maria,” he stutters, tripping slightly as he continues to back away.

Michael reaches out to steady him with both his TK and his hands, but Alex jerks away from him, looking almost terrified. “I’m not in love with Maria!” Michael denies, desperate to get that look off his face.

“C’mon Michael. You can’t honestly believe Maria wouldn’t tell Liz what you said?” Alex scoffs.

“I said I loved her,” Michael admits with a grimace, closing his eyes as the reality of just how stupid he's been hits him all over again. “She was – fun. Being with her was easy, but I was never in love with her. That’s only ever been you. Alex, please –“ he begs, taking another step toward him.

Alex keeps backing away, shaking his head. “No. I – I don’t believe you. I’ve got Forrest now. He loves me. He’s – he’s amazing. I’m not – no. Fuck you Michael. I’m not giving up something real with Forrest just because Maria broke up with you and I’m the only other option. I’m not interested in being your second choice. I have a chance for something real with him. Go back to Maria and leave me alone.” Alex finishes, reaching for his car door.

Michael can’t let him go like this, so he uses his TK again, keeping the door closed. “Alex please” he says again, not even trying to stop the tears that start to fall. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I always have been and I always will be. You could never be my second choice. I’m sorry about what happened with Maria. I was so – so mad at you, and so fucked up about everything that had happened that I made some really stupid decisions, and I ended up hurting both of you.” 

Alex turns away from him, shoulders shaking with repressed sobs and Michael reaches out to squeeze his hand. “Maria is – she’s really great, and I do love her, but she knew that I could never be in love with her because I’m already in love with you. She was right to break it off. And I’m so sorry I hurt you. I promise I will try my best never to hurt you again. I’m not asking you to break it off with Forrest. I know you need to give it a chance with him. I’m just saying if – if things don’t work out with him, and if you’re ever willing to give us a try again I’ll be waiting for you.” Michael presses a kiss to Alex’s knuckles and reluctantly takes a step back, watching Alex swipe at his wet cheeks before he climbs back into his jeep.

“Don’t – don’t contact me for a while unless it’s an emergency” Alex finally says. “I think I could fall for Forrest and I’m going to give this relationship a real chance to work. I’ll -” he swallows hard, then looks up to meet Michael’s eyes. “I’ll see you around. Goodbye, Michael.”

Michael watches Alex’s jeep pull away, feeling hollowed out. He’s grateful Alex gave him the chance to say his piece, but not knowing if he will ever get the chance to make things right between them again is devastating. It feels like he’s spent half his life unwillingly waiting for Alex Manes to come back to him. This time he’s prepared to be patient and wait as long as it takes.


End file.
